White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
