So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
