She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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