Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
