she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
