I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
