6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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