My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
