Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
