oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
