I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
