please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
