dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
