I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
