and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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