I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what is it with giant penises always finding me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
