my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
