Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
