hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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