just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
