I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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