I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
