What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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