Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
