And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
