Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
