I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
tell me about the eggs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
