it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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