God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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