Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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