is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
