I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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