its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
