my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
