I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
