i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
