Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
