need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
