I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
