The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize