It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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