i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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