Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
