I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
