STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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