so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
how does that bad decision feel?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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