Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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