I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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