I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
