So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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