Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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