After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize