then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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