remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
