I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
