thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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