Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
