No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
