Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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