Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
