Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
BRING THE BAGELS
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