I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
