stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize