I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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