Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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