He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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