Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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