oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
