he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
