i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
