Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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