Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We have started to decorate penises.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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