I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize