I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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