I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
