Just fell off a train. Bad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
