its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
