R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
