no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
