If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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