He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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