This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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