i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
