You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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