; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
