She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
