I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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