At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
