After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
