also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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