we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
