Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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