you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
