I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
