we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
