we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
handjob tips. give me some.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
