Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
