the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
