just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
