I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize