Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
