maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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