im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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