I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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