so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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