you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
