I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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