I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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