So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
